Tuesday, December 28, 2010
♥
Feeling very very terrible now.
First of all I'm so tired, I think I'm gonna crash any time soon.
Secondly, I am utterly disappointed at myself.
I'm starting to doubt my abilities. I'm so amazed at how I managed to screw all this up perfectly. I'm not trying to blame anyone here, just finding a place to rant... so bear with me...
I just want to make clear that I'm not superwoman. I don't believe in myself a whole lot, in fact I know my limitations and all. I admit that there was one point of time when I was constantly complaining, thinking: Why wouldn't they understand? Why is it that the expectations they have of me are so high?
But whenever I thought that way I tried to reason with myself, I said hey, everyone has their own commitments and matters to handle. I'm not the only one, so why should I complain?
Here I am now, feeling terribly bad about my own behavior and attitude, disappointed with my ability to handle such issues.
I'm too unbalanced. My priorities are jumbled up. I am unable to think through and manage my commitments so that it is balanced out.
And above all, I'm too tired. You see for this entire holidays, here's what I've been busy with. I'm just gonna list them out:
ICYL, PSLTC, Orientation CCAO I/C, Guides CCAO I/C, SPSB HR. My entire November and December's my peak period. I can very confidently say that the only actual holiday and rest I got was the period I was away in Malaysia for 5 days. That's 5 days in 2 months.
Please don't get me wrong here, I am not targetting anyone or attacking anyone. I am not trying to say that being in lead board is overwhelmingly stressful, it's a horrible thing, or complaining about being assigned these role - no, not at all. In fact, I am very grateful for people having such expectations of me because honestly speaking, I really don't think that well of myself, so I'm grateful that I'm given such opportunities (:
I'm very lucky to have all these opportunities, but I guess the downside of this is, this thing I'm experiencing right now, this instant.
I hope this will be a good learning experience for me to handle my commitments better, especially since school's starting in a week and to be really honest, I have no idea how I'm gonna survive through this new school term, and I'm so afraid I'll be burnt out. Oh well, I guess I'll just have to wish for the best ):
