Friday, August 20, 2010
♥ i love the way the mind works
I realise something I always do. I'm fond of lying to myself, bubble wrapping myself.
So that I feel protected, so it seems like I don't know a lot of things, so that I can tell myself 'I don't care' and move on.
Maybe that's why after awhile I get kinda confused -- what is it that I'm really thinking? Am I really not affected by that thing, or is it just because my brain's telling myself not to?
It's really easy to tell yourself to look ahead and forget about what's done because after all, there's no use crying over spilt milk right? But the truth is, the harder you try to forget something, the more you find yourself thinking of it. So that never really works after all.
Today was pretty sucky because I flunked a certain paper really bad. Not because I didn't get the answers right, but because of a really dumb mistake I made: I drew this 8m table in pencil. Ya just because it was written in pencil, the content, etc. was okay. I was kinda pissed with myself because I mean, what a waste right!?
Then Des (and a lot of other concerned friends) came up to me and told me: It's okay la, at least you know you lost the marks because of the pencil thing, not because you didn't understand your work. I was like, well, yeah, I guess so!
But then 5 minutes later I looked at my paper again and told myself, shit, really not worth it, it's 8 frigging marks for god's sake! From a 4.0 to... i don't even know what grade. That's... way too expensive.
Before going to assembly Hengyeng gave me a hug and told me it'd be okay, I just have to work harder for my next test. While singing the school song, I suddenly realised
WHY the hell did I get so upset over 8m? It's just one paper, one subject. I have so much more bigger and more important things in my life I have to handle. I have my friends, my family, my hobbies, my cca, my interests, just to name a few.
I'm going to be just fine, I'm going to grow up to do big things and achieve so much more. At that time, I wouldn't even remember that I lost 8m in a certain paper.
So what's the point of all this? There's no way I'm going to let this weigh me down; I'm gonna free myself from all the guilt and self-blame, I'm gonna stop sulking and whining over something that's already a fact, I'm gonna treasure the past and the future and work towards it. There's a reason why so many variations of quotes like 失败乃成功之母 exist. I'm gonna learn from my mistake and hopefully I wouldn't repeat it again.
I got a letter from Christine, she wrote a thank you note to thank me for my letter to her during Striping. She wrote stuff and gave me a section of the lyrics from
My Wish, Rascal Flatts. As I read it I thought, wow, it's true you know. I have so much more in my life I shouldn't even be bothered by such a small thing. I'm gonna live my life to the fullest.
STRIPING!
Last year's Striping was completely horrendous for me. Terrible. I spent 2 whole days crying cos I left Morning Glory, and it was so, so terrible ):
I think maybe that's why the night before Striping I was wondering how it'd be like this year.
This year, Striping was different. It seemed faster, and the atmosphere was different. I didn't really cry as much, not because I don't love my patrol, but because I understand now that no matter where our seniors go, they'll always be with us in spirit, giving us support and more. I'm prolly also used to the fact that every Striping, our seniors leave us, we might have new members in our patrols, small changes like that.
And also because b11atch is stepping up! It's... unbelievable.
I still remember how we were little sec 1s attempting to cheat during tests to pass our clauses, the in sec 2 we were just... really sucky at gadgets ._. and then this year in sec 3, it was awesome.
I looked back and I thought, hey actually we didn't really do much this year la, but the thing is that through (some planning) events like March Camp, April Camp, OH, AA, or AR for that matter, we grew and learnt so much more about each other (:
I'm so glad I got to know b11atch, be a part of b11atch, and I'm sure our awesome CLs (yinyu, jocie and weiyi! <3) style="color: rgb(255, 204, 0);">SUNFLOWERPOWER!
Christine repeatedly assured us that in Sec 4, what would matter most (apart from batch i guess?) to us would be our patrols.
I hope I'll be able to do a good job, it's hard to match up with what Christine has done for us, but, I'll try my best!
Honestly I think I've grown a lot because of Sunflower 01. I joined the patrol only last year, feeling a little lost and I was actually quite afraid things will never be the same in Guides. But I've seen how our patrol has bonded over the year, March camp was great, really really good.
And I'm thankful I have such friendly and cute-sy juniors, they made it so much easier for me :D and of course Weiyi who's always ocassionally disappearing to do her QM stuffies xD
and Christine, who's so passionate, inspiring and even though she's small and skinny (severely underweight huh, tsk!), she has such a big heart!
Christine Weiyi Synth-di Vanessa (and our future sec ones),
<3
HI THERE, THANK YOU ♥
I wanna thank everyone for being so kind to me (L)
I never really know when I annoy someone, I'm sure I did at some point of time! But no one's really expressed their discontent to me so I thank y'all for being so forgiving.
Hiding's not really my thing, usually my feelings are just reflected on my face. I thank y'all for always comforting me when I'm in a bad mood, and giving me hugs (which I love a lotttt!) and trying to make my life easier for me.
I can be rather blur at times, and I thank y'all for accepting me the way I am.
And I'm sorry if I ever made you worry bout me, I'll... do something about it ;)
I have so much to thank for. ILY, friends :D
